Assurances from Whole Child, Invitation, Bread

Dear Families,

Several copies of the book Whole Child/Whole Parent by Polly Berrien Berends will be in our Katherine Dickerson Memorial Library soon. This book has been one of the most helpful books on parenting and teaching for me. Berends does not attempt to make the prose or argument simple. Indeed, where there are straightforward suggestions on motor development or selecting toys, I may find myself in disagreement. But as I read and reread her long chapters that weave together world religions, literature, and philosophy, I found myself able to acknowledge the gifts our children (and peers) give us through behaviors and situations that challenge us. As Berends writes, if we already knew what to do as parents (or teachers), there would be no reason for us to be parents. Assurances from the chapter entitled "Spirit" provides an introduction to Berends' manner of discourse. I will share other sections from her book in upcoming sessions of our Dewdrop and Rosebud classes.

Our new session begins October 30 and 31. I will have extra copies of the registration available this Thursday and Friday. I know several of you were not able to make the orientation before this session. Even though all families seem comfortable in class, parents may nonetheless enjoy coming to the 3pm orientation this Sunday. Because Adam Fawcett and I will have set up some sort of DVD system in the Butterfly Room, I will avail myself of this technology and show additional footage from Loczy of children and play and toddlers in social situations during the 3pm orientation. When our administrator Maureen Marklin learned of the topic for the 4pm public talk this Sunday, she wished that we could let more parents and expectant parents know of the topic (saying it was the sort of event she wished was available for her as a new mother). I encourage you to invite friends who are new or expectant parents to come this Sunday as well. New parents are welcome to bring babes in arms but should realize that we will be spending a good deal of time looking at (very valuable and peaceful, it is true) dvd clips on a relatively large screen.

When I became a parent & child teacher in Baltimore, I first worked in a classroom that had two toddler size toilets and sinks as part of the classroom--with a half door. In the younger classes, we kept the door closed. With older children, we kept the door opened, and a toddler or two would work towards independence in using the toilet or washing hands. One session, however, a group of five toddlers seemed to want to use the sinks and toilets all the time; at times, there seemed to be no interest in bread, soup, Ellersiek games, dancing, snack, or the like; the entire focus of the children was the competition for the two sinks or two toilets. If I had been twenty years more experienced, I might have taken a philosophical approach to this and convinced parents that this was the emergent curriculum for that group--and been believed. At the time, it seemed I needed to come up with a creative way to set a boundary that would satisfy children and parents--and would allow families to enjoy the snack, song, rhymes, and play that the classroom and curriculum could present. I turned out the light, put a child-proof handle on the half door, and asked the children to speak in hushed tones near the bathroom because a friendly Nix had moved in and was sleeping. I sang "Nix in the Water," a traditional kindergarten singing game and pretended to listen to see if the Nix sang back. At times that worked in concert with the flow of the rest of the class, I would let the children know that the Nix had woken up and gone away and that this was the time to use the sinks and the toilets, but to do so quietly and somewhat quickly so we could keep the Nix's home peaceful. The toddlers were satisfied with this imaginative picture, and our classes continued as parents and I had planned initially. In future sessions, the bathroom did not present such attraction or tension, and the Nix seemed to have moved away.

Our current Dewdrop and Rosebud classes present me another opportunity to create a boundary with an artistic image. Some parents in Dewdrop are finding their children quite willing to try soup and new vegetables if the bread is delayed a bit. I want to make this delay possible without putting other parents in the awkward situation of not knowing how to serve or to whom to serve bread. Other parents are finding themselves in power struggles with their toddlers over how many times to put more and more butter on a roll. While one could argue that the fats in organic, homemade butter have health benefits that outweigh the health benefits of organic spelt bread, I have seen the battle over butter take over the mood of the snack table. Even though I would be glad to give more butter at home, in the nursery and kindergarten I learned very early to give a clear and quick limit--bread is buttered one time--or jealousy would spring up amongst the children about who gets more butter. It seems the time is right for me to take over the serving of bread with humor and imagination. Finally, some children arrive quite early and want to help with bread. I am creating a way for them to enjoy the satisfaction of this work while saving some of the work of bread making for children who arrive at 9am. You will see my Baker puppet from the nursery class take on more a role in the process, and my intention is that the use of this puppet mitigates some of the tension the delay of bread and limits on butter may cause. I do ask for your support of the delay. Do know that the bread and butter will come after we have served and begun the soup.

One might argue/request that I make the ritual shorter before snack time. While I do try to present different blessings upon occasions, and while we do have a shorter song coming for the late fall session, many of the children gain such pleasure out of the repetition of Boomsti Woomsti, Tip Top Tim, and Welcome to the Table that I feel it is right to keep the routine. Indeed, I think our classes provide a safe place for our infants and toddlers to learn the valuable lesson of waiting. It is fine if children protest and ask for bread. I ask that you smile, love your child, and support the form of the group--even if you yourself are very hungry for bread. As Dr. Michaela Gloeckler, when speaking to Waldorf Early Childhood Teachers about the importance of dissatisfaction for child development, translated from Mick Jagger: when we don't always get what we want (food or water right away), we get what we need (learning that we are capable of waiting and defering gratification, a valuable skill).

With warmth and light,

William Geoffrey Dolde